Kalendaryo

Mid-February:

Sleeping and not sleeping, that's my thing. I sleep in the morning. Sleep in with my pillow drenched in tears. Sleep, 'cause I'm too tired. My energy's been drained crying. I let the music wrap itself around me. I listen to the songs that means HIM - my inspiration, my hopes and dreams and at the same time, the man who left me behind after swearing he'll be as good as gold, cause I deserve it, yeah he said I deserved it. And at night I stay awake, dream awake. Think of reasons to believe in. Imagine butterflies and rainbows, trying to see life in colors. But I just can't and all ends up with me staring by my window, slowly whispering, "Hello Mr.sunshine. Good morning" .

And I have this family, not broken but not whole. My parents lie to each other and use me. They use me for their own selfish reasons. And what I'm left to do is to keep my eyes shut and my mouth closed. Because the moment I talk, a storm breaks, leaves die, and birds lost their wings.

Imagine a life with that on your back.
So I always go and hurt myself. Fortunately I'm still alive.

March:

Been trying to have fun. Been gaining new friends. Been treated special by some. Been lied to and liking it. Been pulled on a party and enjoyed. Been there, but really not.

With all the lights shining on me I still haven't got this strength to stand up and walk away. He was still there. :|

Suicidal still.

April:

Reached the limits. Had a life without any strings attached. Had much freedom, even too much of it. Slowly learned to not think of what I always think of.

The 7th. Talked to this someone. Had fun. Had butterflies on my stomach.

The 8th. Talked to a friend. Confessed of liking him.

The 9th. Longest talk.

The 10th. Official agreement of commitment. The first "I love you" after a long time of not knowing what those set of words mean.

Floating. Fearing. Flying. Believing. Not believing. Reassembling. Standing. Falling. Drowning. Singing.

--------------------------

-------------------------------- Jograd Jau.

SURPRISINGLY, for May - June - July - August - September - October he's still here...
and I can't say anything more about it. Just this:

let's make it last.
'cause I don't wanna have another feb and march 2009.
I know when you leave it'll be worst. :/


Pow Jau. :3